Chapter 4 : A depressed soul and signs

Well, my friends... A man can not be joyful and cheerful all the time. Sometimes, few days with a dark hearth is needed perhaps. I have those circles, quite a lot. When I was a teenage, a good friend of mine at school was calling this mood of mine as "hitting trees while walking". It's true. Still now, sometimes I just don't want to raise my head up and smile. However, I don't hit trees anymore, I guess I gained the ability of "blind walking".

This time, it stroke me during the weekend, my 2nd weekend here in these cold&green lands. You know, once you start to feel bad, bad things just start to pour down from sky. They makes you feel even worse, which lead even more worse stuff to happen one after one. So, to get fucked up, all you need is a "strong initial bad thing" and a mood conjoncturally eager (maybe in need?) to feel bad.

I had my "quite strong initial bad thing". I had a really intense week in university, so friday evening would be kind of party and pub night. I tell you, it's not very easy when few people you know are out of city or staying at their homes. In those cases, if you feel really good, you can still try to just find a place and have fun, without thinking anything else. But if you already don't feel really good, then things can... Whatever, after a night there and there, I was, for a reason still unknown to me as usual, feeling not so "self-confident". But I was still okay. Saturday, I went to climb and then went back to my friends' home, waiting for a call for an already arranged night. The call never came. As an evidence of my maturity now, I stayed at home with friends and watched some movies, 'cause I knew that it would be a catastroph to go out with such a mood. Sunday, back to home after a climb again, I was wondering why she didn't call me at least to cancel the stuff, even after the complaining text I sent...

Sunday evening and monday... I was realizing that my e-mails were not getting answers nowadays neither. I started to feel like a piece of shit. Not even spam mails, WTF?!

In the most obscure depths, I decided to watch Dancing with wolves. Subtitles were problematic, but I still insisted on watching it. But the blow which took me away from this shitty mood came just in the midnight. I guess I was already ready to start to a new cycle, as usual. I knew it.

And then, this video came just in the perfect moment, not early, not late. As always. For the ones who're in the path, that's what happens all the time. After that, the girl sent me a message explained the situation, I had some replies to my e-mails, and other good stuff. You see, that's a circle.

By the way, to answer the questions asked (by myself) last week :

-No, I didn't find my soulmate yet. I guess so, atleast

-Well, it seems it's quite and partly true, the myths about Swedish girls. But I don't have enough data at the moment, so I prefer to postpone the answer.

-They don't. They don't run after you or your bike neither.

-I guess it happens quite fast, atleast for me. You don't forget ofcourse, but you loose your fluency on writing, but also on speaking. (Or maybe I was so good in turkish, that even a slight lost makes big difference for me.

-I don't have any hidden thoughts on my mind dude! Well, even if I have some, they're "hidden", you see?

Take care fellas, and don't forget to remember me